


The Journals of Commander Shepard

by MusicallyMagic



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: A study into the thoughts of my Shepard, F/M, Most characters are just mentions, Paragade (Mass Effect), She's got too much emotional baggage and not much to do with it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-09 15:09:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17409167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicallyMagic/pseuds/MusicallyMagic
Summary: There are many ways to stay sane in this vast universe. Gambling. Drinking. Fighting. However some find their sanity in the words of a journal and that's how Commander Shepard has kept her sanity.A retelling of the Mass Effect Trilogy through bits and pieces of Commander Shepard's personal journals. There are some things here that are headcanonned to my Shepard as well as some missing characters and information due to my lack of DLCs as I started playing.





	1. Entry 1

**Journal Logs of Commander Teressa Paige Shepard, SSV Normandy.**

**_4th of June 2183 : Universal Time of Log 23:52_ **

_When I was first starting out in the Alliance Military someone suggested I keep a journal. I brushed it off for the longest time but now I need somewhere to talk. Where I know that my thoughts are only known by me._

_God what can I say? That I’m suddenly the one running the show on the Normandy? That I’m humanity’s first Spectre? THE FACT I’M SUPPOSED TO SOMEHOW HUNT DOWN A ROGUE SPECTRE WITH NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING?!_

_Damn it, I just wanted a nice life serving the Alliance and trying to forget the past and now I’ve gotta find Saren and stop whatever he’s trying to do. At least the crew will follow me to the end and thankfully I met people on the Citadel willing to help._

_Eden Prime’s been haunting my nightmares. I’ve tried talking to Ashley, I know her pain, I’ve live with that same pain for a few years now. She’s brushed me off the last few times I’ve tried to talk to her about it. I wish I could do something to ease her pain but how can you ease someone’s pain when you can’t even ease your own?_

_I don’t know, I just feel like I need to help her in whatever way I can. Kaidan’s tried talking to me a couple times since Eden Prime but I need to focus. Whatever was there before I’ve got to ignore. I just need to keep moving._

_I_ _t’s hard to keep moving when some people on the ship are silently judging you for bringing aliens on board to help with this mission, but I can’t do this with just humans. Whatever Saren is doing effects everyone and Tali, Garrus, and Wrex can support me on that at least._

_Never thought I’d work with other species but it’s actually...nice. Tali is so sweet and so smart. I sat and listened to her talk about the ships engines and listened to her talk about the Quarian people. She answered any questions I had and that was really nice to have everything answered._

_Wrex is rough around the edges. I’ve tried talking to him but he’s like talking to a landmine. Being polite is the best way that I can converse with him._

_Garrus, I really like him. He’s been kind to me and listening to him talk is soothing. I don’t know how my crew stands me just asking questions about their lives and just listening. I just...find it easier helping others with their problems instead of handling my own. I hope I have what it takes to do this._

_Teressa signing off._


	2. Entry 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard's journals continue, being a leader isn't what she thought it'd be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD. JUST BEFORE WE START THANK YOU ALL FOR SUCH POSITIVE FEEDBACK ON THE FIRST CHAPTER! I was getting emails all throughout the school day yesterday and it made my day guys, it really did.   
> Thank you and enjoy what's to come!

**_29th of July 2183 : Universal Time of Log 02:36_ **

_I can’t sleep._

_Actually more like I’ve given up trying to sleep. My bed’s covered in papers at this point. Everyone needs something from me and there’s not enough time in the day to do it._

_I guess if I asked Kaidan he’d help me handle some of this but this is my issue. I’m their leader, I’ve got to take care of this. I honestly never expected to have this much paperwork to do once I led my own ship._

_I remember Helix telling me once that if I put my head to it that I’d be a great scientist. Honestly? I wouldn’t have the patience for the papers. For the people. I mean, being a Spectre and an Alliance Commander is bad enough. I have to make sure everyone on the ship is doing okay...I think people are fed up with me constantly coming around and asking how they’re doing._

_I talked to Tali about her family. That went decently well...and by that I mean she didn’t ask me about mine so…._

_Wish I could sleep but I hear too much screaming when I sleep. I wanted to know what Tali’s family was like, to remember that people still had lives out there, were still happy and still functioning better than myself. I wish Helix was here._

_…_

_…_

_Teressa signing off._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys want to see more of me feel free to follow me over on Tumblr (musically-magic)!


	3. Entry 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Commander Shepard hates visiting the Citadel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got a little busy the last few weeks but here's an update!
> 
> Once again, thank you to jen-nic over on Tumblr for being my partner in crime and being entirely supportive of what I'm working on!

**_10th of August 2183 : Universal Time of Log 05:17_ **

 

  
_          I hate the Citadel. _

_   
_ _         I _ _ mean it’s beautiful and I’m honestly scared to touch anything there because I think I’ll get fingerprints on something but I hate it. I couldn’t step off the ship without Alliance High Command wanting to inspect my ship, like being a Spectre would cause me to forget I’m also commanding an Alliance ship? Really? My ship is damn fine and I don’t need people getting their political bull on it. _ _   
_ __        Then there was the news reporter who couldn’t keep herself from interviewing me. I think I still have a migraine from that one. Seriously, how can politicians stand having camera's shoved in their faces?  If I ever have to be involved in politics I'm going to invest in a whole collection of disguises to avoid cameras.

_   
_ _        And then there was the girl. _

_   
_ _       God I didn’t realize how much I still hurt until I saw Talitha. Ghosts can’t leave me be it seems. My hands shook as I talked to her  and my mind was both there with her and back on Mindoir, watching my baby sister play tag with the now young woman who stood before me. _

_   
_ _       I wanted to ask about Atla, ask if she was alive but Talitha was so fragile, so broken. I couldn't bare to cause her more trauma. I can’t even close my eyes without seeing her terror stricken face.  _

_   
_ _      I don’t want to sleep. Don’t want to relive that day. Don’t want to watch my baby sister be dragged away from me while all I could do was bleed on the ground. _

_   
_ _     I need a drink. _

_  
__TS_ __  


**Author's Note:**

> Just some minor notes and a thank you  
> *Thank you to jen-nic over on Tumblr for the help she's given me in fleshing out a lot of Teressa's backstory and family. Without her this project probably wouldn't of happened.  
> *Teressa's name is pronouced as "Tear-ess-ah". Terri and Terra are common nicknames for her.  
> *This is only told by bits and pieces of her universe. Some events that typically happen won't due to the fact I failed to have DLCs during my playthrough of her so somethings never occurred and some people were never met.  
> *This does include some personal headcanons  
> *A lot of character interaction is told through the journals but there will be more characters than Teressa speaking eventually.


End file.
